As the first round of group play has come to an end, we can now move on the to second games and see who will continue their dominance and who will flounder. I know I am a bit late, so I am guaranteed to have one correct match…
South Africa vs. Uruguay
South Africa is no match for any country from South America. Even with the vuvuzela blaring you cannot silence the sound of a Uruguayan goal. Uruguay wins 3-0.
France vs. Mexico
The Mexicans are upset about their last tie and come out seeking revenge. The French are too busy complaining about all that loud noise in the stadium to notice they’ve lost so badly. Will then blame their loss on the ball afterwards. Mexico wins 2-0.
Greece vs. Nigeria
After a narrow loss to the heavily favored Argentina, the Nigerians continue to out play themselves and their opponents. At half time, Greece realizes it has no shots and opens some bottles of Ouzo for some shots. OPA! Nigeria 3-0.
Argentina vs. Korea Republic
Another close win but the Argentinians who leaves the world asking, “They’re one of the favorites?” I’m still confused which Korea is to be considered good Korea and which one is bad Korea as apparently Americans are the only people who calls one North and the other South. Either way, Argentina wins 2-1.
Slovenia vs. US
In the previous pick I told you how I was confused about which Korea is which. Here is an even more baffling question: Where is Slovenia located? I’m still not sold it’s a real country. Needless to say the Yankees take this one easily 3-1 with the only goal coming again the back up goal keeper when we pull Howard at half to give him some rest.
England vs. Algeria
The lone representative of the United Kingdom has finally shown some heart. After an “oopsie” block against the US (you say luck, I say skill), Green put on his big boy cleats and decided to play real soccer. Rooney still can’t remember how to score but the offense plays well enough for the W. England 2-0.
Germany vs. Serbia
You know what happens when you put one powerhouse with a bunch of mediocre at best teams? The powerhouse scores and the others don’t. Germany over Serbia 3-0.
Ghana vs. Australia
I’m still not sold that Australia even knows how to play soccer. If this were a snorkeling match I would pick them. Kangaroo hop? Australia. Real sports. Any other country. Ghana with the 2-0 win.
Netherlands vs. Japan
Now that the Dutch have lost the man advantage(cheap shot at the Danes for the own goal!) they have a bit more competition. They still pull out the victory against the Japanese 2-1.
Cameroon vs. Denmark
Denmark had a tough enough time determining which goal was theirs last game and their opponent was wearing highlighter orange. On the plus side they are playing a weaker opponent so they should play a bit better. Unfortunately, better means not scoring against yourself. Luckily, Cameroon can’t score either. Draw 0-0.
Slovakia vs. Paraguay
Both teams played to draws in the opening round so one would think this would be an even game. The difference being Paraguay tied the reigning World Cup champions and Slovakia tied Australia Jr. I think you know where I’m going here. Paraguay wins 2-0.
Italy vs. New Zealand
I’m not as sold on Italy as most others are. Luckily for them the other countries in their group don’t have real soccer teams but rather are a collection of names out of a hat. They gain a much needed 3 points here with a 3-0 victory.
Brazil vs. Cote d’Ivoire
Normal folk would choose Ivory over Kaka, but not this guy. The game remains close in the first half but Brazil breaks the tie late in the 70th minute to win 2-1.
Portugal vs. Korea DPR
Do you know what you get when you mix one great player with a bunch of okay players? The Portugal national team! Korea DPA is playing with pure heart and no talent, Portugal is playing on pure Ronaldo and nothing else. Draw 1-1.
Chile vs. Switzerland
Dear Switzerland,
You only get lucky once.
Sincerely,
Chile
Chile wins 2-0.
Spain vs. Honduras
Oh Spain. Oh oh Spain. I say good things about you in round one and you turn around and stab me in the back. I thought we were friends? Luckily I am a very forgiving person and I don’t believe in heavy favorites choking twice. You may have actually done yourself a favor and put a chip on your shoulder and made yourself the underdogs… Just kidding, you’ll make it out of group play but get killed in elimination. Good luck in 4 years!
